Access: Christofer_

There have been some new developments over the past several months. As you all well know, I have been in school to earn my teaching certification. Well as of today I am officially a teacher! I just signed my contract with the Richardson Independent School District today, and will be teaching art to delinquents starting August 27th!

It's insane! I know! They are actually going to let me be the teacher! I'm so excite, and scared, and worried, and all that crazy stuff. I mean I've been chasing this dream for so long I've actually gotten used to chase; to the point that I can't even wrap my mind around achieving my goal. Even though I still have 2 months until the big day, it still feels so surreal. I mean I'm all up in the system. I even have my ID badge for the school and everything and I still can't believe it. But it's true. Mr. Young is in the house! Crazy! Well rest assured that as the year progresses there will be more talk about how difficult it is to teach today's youth. All I gotta say is these little bastards better beware. I ain't taking no shit!

Holla!

Well it was a good year. Christmas was great, New Years was a blast.

 

The ball starting rolling with Christmas complete with the whole family packed tightly within the confines of my grandmother’s retirement apartment. Talk about family togetherness. I got a chance to see all the new additions to the family over the last year. I even paid a special visit back to Austin to see my brother, sister-in-law, and niece. Torie’s got a mouth full of teeth and is walking and dancing. It’s still crazy to think that my brother’s a dad! Anyway after the brief stop in Austin, it was back to Dallas for some good ‘ol family time. And by family time, I mean me and Mom spending the whole day eating and watching movies…oh and drinking margaritas. Yeah that’s Christmas in this family if there ain’t drinks it ain’t Christmas.

 

I finally got caught up on a few movies, and even got caught up with someone from the past. Congratulations! Glad to here things are going well.

 

I was so intent on to wrapping up that last remaining few details from this year, I almost missed out on  the main points at the years end. And all in all I think it wasn’t bad. I had some close calls and near misses. Some ups and downs, and twists and turns…but I managed to stay on my feet. Looking back at my past New Years Resolution list, I found that I accomplished just a few goal. I plan to build upon those and possibly do more. I know I’ve said it before, but I honestly do feel that this year is going to be better that the last. Not that the past one was bad but that you can only strive to be better. Why settle for less when you deserve much more.

 

I want to do more. I want to be a better man. And with each passing day I will. With that said here’s this year in review:

 

The beginning of the year started with new job, new friends, and new possibilities. I got 4 speeding tickets and paid $661 in fines. I learned that I should try to get places safer and with out speeding. So now I’m late form most things. Studies would contend that leaving earlier would prevent the need to speed, but then that just cuts into sleep time. And nobody wants that.

 

I asked out several different women and was turned down several times. I even broke up with several others. Although they never knew we were actually dating, it still hurts just the same. Have you ever done that…carry a “thing” for someone and then they do something that really makes you question why you were interested in them in the first place…and you break it off and swear to not ever like them again? Yeah well that’s how several chicks ended up on my “hypothetical exes list”.  It got considerably long this year. I think I need to me more choosey on who I date in my mind. I can't be giving my mind to just anybody. I have also recently contended that only older women think I’m handsome. Notice how the term “handsome” is only indigenous to the vocabulary of people who actually remember the seventies. Needless to say if I were into 50 year old women, I’d be the Hugh Hefner of many soccer moms. However, I was told I was “kind of cute” by a 25 year old girl. This to me is not a complement but backhanded attempt at levity. It’s a borderline complement. It’s the kind of complement you give someone when you not willing to fully commit to the comment. It’s like you’re on the fence or something. It’s like saying “You don’t completely make me vomit in my mouth.” What kind of backwards off the wall complement is that? I mean if you told someone they are “kind of a nice person”…are you saying they really are a nice person or they’re nice when they’re not being mean? I don’t know. Maybe I should just take the complement and run. Lord knows that don’t come often. And she was hot so that counts…right?

 

I exploded on Valentines Day and vented frustrations with the holiday as if were mortal enemies fighting for superiority of the month of February. I personally would much rather it be known as solely Black History Month, but that damn St. Valentine had to die or do something to declare it a day of love. I still hold it in contempt but I do see the relevance of it.  So we shook hands and came to an agreement to share. So I guess I’m fine with sharing that month, I mean after all I have to share it with Stephanie, so it’s not all bad. And since she was born in February she is entitled to her black card. What it do Sho’die. So when you don’t feel like going to work whip out your black card. If you find yourself in a bad neighborhood, whip out your black card. P.S. that only works in February.

 

I managed to make it through a year at the architecture firm pretending to be an architect. Although I think the jig is up. Fortunately I am into the certification program and will hopefully be teaching by the end of the year.

 

…and I realized that sometimes things could be worse. Not always is it about what I don’t have or what I want. Other people have it just as bad our sometimes worse; and you would never know. So I plan to take the same initiative and pull myself up by my boot straps (very old, I know. I learned it from those 50 year old honies.) and do what needs to be done. It’s better to just do instead of stating what you want to do. I was going to post my resolution list for 2007 but it’s better to reflect on the things I’ve done instead of the ones I will do.  This leaves less room for disappointment if I don’t achieve all the goals I set.

 

Hell whether or not we’re ready for it, 2007 is here. So do with it as you will. It’s your year. Live it up.

 

I know it's been forever since I've been on here. So I thought I'd write a little bit before I go to bed. First let me just say that work sucks ASSSSS!!!!!! I feel like a runaway slave that was caught trying to find my way to the the underground rail road, but was given bad directions from a light-skinned slave who serves to foil the plans of the darker slaves while sucking up to the white master in exchange for not working in the cotton fields. Did I just about offend everyone? But seriously is there any reason for a lowly street urchen like myself to have to work 46+ hours a week! Let me tell you something folks, when you're on salary the extra time you work...is out of the goodness of your ass. You don't get paid for that shit. Oh! But it's highly suggested that you be a "team" player. And being in a "professional " field means that sometimes you have to "push" on projects to meet "deadlines", and it may require some "long" hours, but this is the "nature" of the "business" so if you don't mind completing these 15 sheets of color renderings while simultaniously finishing up this whole set of construction documents, that'd be great. Oh by the way Chris, you didn't have an plans for this weekend did you. Good, I didn't think so. Too bad you don't have kids and are married, then you could have a life. Oh and Chris I'm gonna need you to come in on Sunday too, and jack me off while I correct all the crap I just made you do! SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!!!!!!!!!!  I HATE WORK!!!! I HATE MY JOB AND THE SORRY SACKS OF SHIT THAT WORK THERE!!!!!! 

But I digress. So sum up the last few weeks... I've been hanging out in hell. Chillin you know, with Lucifer and Mao. I can't wait for Austin. I really need to get the hell out of this town! Oh! and since I'm such the party planner...

For all you singles out there. Singles Awareness Day is coming up soon. I am putting together a little swaray here in Dallas if anyone is interested. I will be sending out invitations to this party. If you wondering what S.A.D. is, it's The anti-Valentine's Day. I know. I know. I was very bitter and resentful last year. Howerever, I'm happy to report that I haven't changed. Ha ha! Kidding. Singles Awareness Day is an actual holiday. It doesn't appear on the calendar or anything, but it has been created. Google it if you don't believe me. It's celebrated on the 15th of February. So anyone who might be intrested... just a heads up. I'm still trying to determine if it will be the weekend before or after. I'm gonna try to make shirts too. So I'll have more on that when I get the design figured out. Now, this IS Singles Awareness Day...so couples need not apply. It's a time where single people get together at bars and hit on one another and ultimately go home drunk and alone...but the mayhem that ensues is well worth the hangover. Pretty much the plan goes, ctach a cab to downtown Dallas. Then frequent 7 different bars in 30 minute intervals. Then catch a cab back to my house and rock out with cocks out and titties out and so forth and so on. Anyway, look for that pretty soon. I'll have more details to come.

 Well it's that time again. Time for me to cry mysef to sleep because, yes, I have to got to work again.

Ok, here's the deal. There has been much talk about us getting together to hang out soon. I suggested that we set a date around the end of finals for everyone...everyone except Steph. Her school's weird. So the weekend of Dec 17th seems to be the day that everyone is cool with. So make the proper arrangements. Work double shifts, brib people, lie, cheat, steal, cajole, pass out hand jobs, lick some vag-jj, whatever you have to do..DO IT!! Just make damn sure you have that weekend off. And I mean the whole damn weekend. Not  "Oh I'll come in that night and leave early in the morning".  Naw, fuck that shit. We're getting tore the fuck down Friday, Saturday, and sobering up on Sunday..maybe. So get it figured out. You have a month to get your shit straight. 

And speaking of getting shit straight, we need to agree on what city this shindig will be going down. I think Dallas or Austin have been suggested.  I think Austin is more centrally located for everyone. Dallas and Houston are pretty much bookends so that's a little trickier. But which ever city we want to throw down in, I'll be there. So cast your votes for the city of your choice.

Austin
College Station
Dallas
Houston
Huntzville

Voting ends on Saturday the 17th. Which ever city gets the most votes is the one we rock in. Everybody ok with that? Good.

Holla!

I'm as fit as an Ox or Bison, or anyone of those other strong, extinct animals. The Echo proved that it was just an abnormal test, and that I'm am perfectly capable of running a marathon. Thanks to all those who had me in their prayers and thoughts. I'm good, and I won't be seeing a doctor for another 4 or 5 years.

This one is backdated from last week I just never posted it until now.

 

First of all it needs to be said. It’s never a good thing when your doctor uses the words, abnormal, heart, and more tests in the same sentence. Tuesday couldn’t have been a worse day. After begrudgingly making a doctor’s appointment and taking the time to drive down there for a physical, I get hit with news that is anything but what I expected.  I thought she stopped the world. “Chris your EKG brought back some abnormal results.”

 

It’s started like any normal Tuesday. Me going to work, and dealing with crazy people. Then a trip to the doctor, like many other people do throughout every day. But today I get a physical to tell me if I can proceed in my training for a marathon. So far so good. She takes my blood. She takes my piss. A gross job to have; but she gets paid a lot to look at piss so I can’t really judge. And then there’s the “turn your head and cough”; everyone’s favorite. Then it’s time to strap me down to the table with 20 different sticky pads that will later be hooked up to a machine that will measure my life force. I find it interesting that the device that will read my vital signs; is about the size of an all-in-one printer, from Best Buy. And let me tell you when someone tells you to just breath normally, that’s’ the last thing you can do. It’s like saying don’t think of pink elephants…of course you’re going to think of pink elephants. So now I’m trying to “breathe normal” and in doing so I’m not breathing normal, which makes my heart beat faster because I think the machine thinks I’m lying. But lying about what? I’m human. My name is Chris. I work at Heights Venture. My rank and serial number is…Needless to say the first take was a bad one. So now it’s time to do it again. Ok Chris try not to fail this one. Breathe normally. Ok normal varies from one person to the other. What is exactly normal? But by the time I had prepared myself to breathe normally, the test was over. Whew, glad that’s over, now I can breathe normal. The Nurse then takes the read out that resembles the Richter scale printout after a 7.0 earthquake, and hurries out of the room to show the doctor the creative image I made using only my rhythmic pulses. What can I say; an artist through and through. To my surprise I see her wheeling in another machine that bears a sticking resemblance to the other cannon printer. Apparently the doctor didn’t think the pictures that other printer printed out and would like to try this newer model. Now this concerns me. Either I broke the machine or those results aren’t what she had in mind. Turns out it was the latter, because there I was sitting in front of her trying to desipher the English words that she is speaking. And it sound like English. I recognize the words as English, but they don’t make sense. How can I be 27 years old and presumably have a heart defect. I exercise. I eat right…most other time. I’m very health conscious. But she describes it as if I was 40 years old and produced the same readings, they would have sworn I had a heart attack. This is what concerned her, just to say the least. Somehow I make it to the car, because when I come to, I’m just a few blocks from work. I’m still not sure how I got here. But now I have to spend the rest of the day wondering what’s wrong with me. And why/ how does this happen. I need to call and make an appointment with a heart specialist. I need to call the insurance company to see if this will be covered. I need to see how much out of pocket I pay, what the deductible means. Money, money, money. It’s my heart! How can you put a price on life? Those bastards do it every day. It’s not a business expense. I can’t pay for that. $2000 for a stress test.  There has to be another way. The doctor will have to get back to me later in the week. So I just have to wait and pray nothing happens between now and then. To think all the years I’ve battled with asthma. I know lungs. I know breathing. I know how to deal with that. When I can’t breath there’s a problem, and the solution is an inhaler. When your heart stops beating, you are in no position to rectify it. You can’t take an inhaler for that. How can you get that back when you’re alone? I contemplated that all night alone in my apartment. Feeling my chest to see if I could tell if anything was different. What if it just stopped? Who would know; if I went in my sleep? Well the only alternative is not sleep. I can’t sleep, not until the doctor says so. I take a shower and as I’m thinking it occurs to me just how much today sucked. And that if today was going to be my last day it would have sucked. I would have ended my life on a bad day. Great Chris as if you couldn’t make yourself feel any worse. I lay in bed in total darkness and absolute silence. I put my hand under my shirt and feel. “Flub dub.” It says. As if to reassure me that it was still there. “Flub dub. Don’t worry about me. Flub dub. I’m fine.” I just listen to it as it spoke to me. “Flub dub…flub dub…flub dub…” I begin to drift off. Then I’m jolted awake. I didn’t feel it anymore! Where did it go! FLUB DUB FLUB DUB FLUB DUB! “Calm down.” This is crazy. It’s my mind again. Nothing is wrong. The doctors said so. But there is still the matter of the other test. Tomorrow we shall see. A day goes by then two. Then three. On Friday I get the news. The heart specialist has agreed to just an Echocardiogram with out a stress test in his office so I only have to pay a copay. The doctor is fine with that and the appointment is set for Tuesday Oct. 24^th. So tomorrow is the day. So far the track record for Tuesdays has been very bad. Let’s hope the streak dies tomorrow. To be continued….

Chris: She said she was nervous.

Chris: I know.

Chris: Why would you be nervous just talking to me?

Chris: I don’t know. That’s weird…right?

Chris: But she said she didn’t know why her stomach felt that way.

Chris: But I’ve felt that way too sometimes talking to her. But it’s crazy to think she would feel the same way.

Chris: I don’t know there was some flirt texting going on last night.

Chris: Hardly. She was tired.

Chris: Still. She made a special point to call and say she didn’t mean to seem like she blew you off.

Chris: She’s just polite.

Chris: Either way. I think the tide could be turning.

Chris: You may be on to something there, compadre.

Chris: I think things are going well.
Chris: For once, I don't disagree.
Chris: Sounds like the perfect plan. Play it cool and then see what happens.
Chris: It's just tough. To think that you may have met the one for you so long ago.

Chris: See this is what bothers me. I was supposed to leave it alone.

Chris: You have. You have been very friend like, if I may add.
Chris: These feelings are somewhat familiar. So the idea that this is different; doesn’t carry much clought. It’s been different before.
Chris: Yeah but this time it’s different. You sense that some things are different too, and so does she. And different like never before.
Chris: Yes, but the past more that tells the tale of what happens when you misread signs.
Chris: I thought it was all about recognizing the signs this time.
Chris: Hey I haven't given up on the idea. If things were to go down, then fine. But I don't think any thing will happen until much later. In the meantime its all about  just hang out and having fun.

Chris: Now, see that’s better. Stop living in the past. It’s the f-ing past. It can’t be changed. The only  that can be changed is the future.

Chris: True. But she is special.

Chris: She is. I know this. Remember everyone and their mom said that you would find someone special. What if they were right?

Chris: Ha ha. That’s very true.

Chris: I think things have been well played. Continue on this course of action.
Chris: Well at least its reason to get up in the morning.

Chris: Hell yeah. And each day is a step closer to a better career and more happiness.

Chris: Finally an agreement.

Chris: Better mark it on the calendar my friend, come tomorrow I will be fucking with you relentlessly.

Chris: Thanks. Just knowing you care is good enough.

Chris: Hey, who loves ya, baby.